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LueDeck.us
Audio Archives Of |
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LueDeck.us
Audio Archives Of |
Poor
Lue's Almanack
Volume Four Issue Twenty-One
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Who...Who...Who is
The Enemy? |
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Some Headlines: Founder of convenience store
dies! Graveside visits are allowed 7a.m. to 11p.m.! New Canadian condoms are rated “A”! Dodgers needed a base-stealer, so they traded for Winona Ryder! But the big story, still the big story is... Who...Who...Who is The Enemy? Day 500 of the War on Terrorism! American helicopters are flying low over the Taliban... playing Yanni and John Tesh music over loudspeakers! The only movie theater still operating in Afghanistan is in downtown Kabul and it’s playing ISHTAR! Now, that’s revenge folks! Think of it this way Afghanistan, we’re not here to invade your country! We’re just here for a little TURBAN renewal!Here at home it turns out the homeless population was not all that worried about the anthrax scare because, face it, cuz... they don’t get any damn mail! The American Puppetry Guild has contacted vice president Dick Cheney and asked him to do a BETTER job of HIDING the strings! From Guantanamo Bay, at Camp X-Ray, all of the detainees have been deemed OK... after just TWO VISITS from that Dr. Phil guy! Just be careful when you call George Bush a son of a bitch because we know exactly who’s involved! Pres. Jr. had a colonoscopy recently, and it showed an impression of HIS OWN HEAD!! What is it with the Bush twins? They keep getting in trouble! One for pills, one for booze! Who do these little tarts think they are anyway... KENNEDYS??? Airline pilots with guns? Why not? They’re already LOADED anyhow! I just flew out from Los Angeles and dear Lord forgive me, for I have racially profiled! Really, I was checking out two Arab guys on the airplane so hard, they turned ME in! Israel goes into Ramallah with 50 tanks!
The one situation that worries me, India and Pakistan have nuclear weapons! India, a very stable nation, and it’s schizophrenic little brother Pakistan, have nuclear weapons! You know what this means? 7-11 and Checker Cabs control the whole damn world! I’m not worried about India, it’s Pakistan that worries me. Their nuclear launch codes are so outdated, they’re: 10-10-321!
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Some sports news.. Pete Rose in the Hall of
Fame???? DON'T BET ON IT!!! Wheaties announces a new version of it’s breakfast cereal to honor Ted Williams! It will be called: Extremely Frosted Flakes! In Buffalo, NY two Buffalo Bills fans are on trial this week for having sex during a football game last season. Their defense: They say, they were the only ones to score for three quarters!Some business news.. Dan Rather willstay at CBS until one of them is dead! Xena, Princess Warrior has retired tobecome CEO of Amazon.com! Proctor and Gambel will merge with An Indiana woman falls into a vat of Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss claims you have to sleep with to get this job? Some Celebrity Sightings. .Mick Jagger years! Woody Allen is 67! How many times does 67 go into 23?Some Sexual Information... It’s the 42nd birthday of the birth control pill. It’s also the 41st birthday of the daughter of the first woman who forgot to take it! In Philadelphia, police break up a prostitution ring working out of a Lens Crafters store. Apparently you could have been in and out and in and out and in and out in about an hour!The couple who invented Feng Shui are getting divorced. Evidently she needed some space!Americans have more sexual partners than any other country! We’re number one! We’re number one!New study says estrogen improves a woman’s memory. Hey guys, that’s why she can remember every stupid thing you ever did! There have been 69 deaths associated with the use of Viagra! And damn near a couple of eyes put out!You can add Viagra to your gas tank. It will crank more speed but it also will make your tranny real stiff!Poor Lue Says: Reinventing yourself requires no patent... so go home and get to work on it! |
